It is common knowledge that the vast majority of people who book a photo session are women. In fact, so far ALL of my enquiries have been from women. It is also not uncommon for the woman to throw in a comment such as “My husband doesn’t want to take pictures with me,” “My partner hates photos,” “Or he always feels uncomfortable.“ So it goes without saying that most men are not overly keen on taking part in a photoshoot. (Now, credit to the amazing men who come along, because they are making the choice to be uncomfortable for the benefit of their wives and families.) I do not for a second believe that this is because men do not value the gift of photography or the “capturing of memories,” that happens during a family session. So perhaps the key to encouraging more men to “happily'“ take part is to firstly try to understand where they are coming from. So here are a few tips and ideas which may prove useful when broaching the subject of a Family shoot.

Understand and empathise.
Know and understand how your guy thinks. I know it can be hard, ladies, but try to put yourself in their shoes. If you have been together for a while, you probably have a pretty good insight into how he thinks. Why is he not keen for photos? Is this because his personality is quite introverted, could he be self conscious? Does he have some preconceived ideas of how the photo shoot will play out? Perhaps he is remembering the school day photos of “say cheese” moments, perhaps he has had a bad experience in the past, maybe he is concerned about costs, does he really understand what is involved? So many questions…..But you cannot address them until you get a clearer picture on what is going through his head. So serve up his fave dinner, get him a drink and sit down next to him for an open and respectful discussion.

2. Explain why it is important to you and ask for his involvement.

So we all know by now, that men are seriously lacking in the mindreading department. He does not necessarily know what you are thinking. I mean, who are we kidding, I have enough trouble organising my own thoughts, let alone expecting him to guess them. So explain to him why this is important to you. Odds are he cares enough about you to at least consider your point of view and likely it will change his attitude. Explain that you want to capture this moment with your cherubs whilst they are still small, because your mumma heart breaks when it thinks about them growing up so quickly. Explain that you want some good photos with you in it, that don’t make you look and feel horrendous. Explain that he is the most important person in your world, and the best ever daddy, and you want to document that. Explain that one day your kids will need photos to remember a time when they were younger or when mum and dad were around. Ask for him to be involved in these special moments, because he is irreplaceable and such a big part of your family.

3. Outline what will happen.

My hubby likes to be told in advance what will be required of him before we tackle any “big” event. He likes to know what I need him to do, as far as getting kids ready, supporting me, or at the actual event. So I may tell him the morning before we head out, I need to do this and this and this, can you please make sure………….Often he will ask me what else needs doing next, so he can be helpful and useful. So outline what is expected of him on the day. Let him know the process that will be involved in getting the kids ready, packing supplies, arranging outfits, even down to how you will likely be feeling or reacting. That way, he can be aware and ready.

my husband doesnt want to take pictures with me.

4. Explain why you chose me.

As previously stated, men may have preconceived ideas of how a photo shoot will go. And unless they are told or shown otherwise, they have no reason to change their minds. So I suggest, explaining to him why you chose me to take your photos. Show him evidence of past families having fun and enjoying the session. Better yet, if he knows someone who has had one done, ask for his opinion. Show him the style of photography that I do, that a session is more of a fun adventure and playtime with your kids. That he will be able to kick a ball, throw them in the air, climb a tree, jump waves, run and snuggle and tickle. It is also reasonable and normal to expect that everyone starts off feeling uncomfortable and unsure in front of a camera. I mean it’s not everyday that someone is watching how we interact with our kids and then capturing that permanently. So, reassure him that this is perfectly ok and that I understand that. I mean there is a reason I choose to be behind the camera and not in front of it. Show him the emails that I send out that explains that I simply want him to be dad, to be hubby, to be his unique self. I do not force anything on anyone, they will still be in control of what happens during the shoot, (well, as far as the kids will allow, anyway.)

5. If money is an issue.

This one is a bit of an elephant in the room. But nevertheless, for most people it is a concern. I do my absolute best to be affordable and fair as I completely understand how difficult it is to stick to a budget or make one stretch for multiple children. All I can suggest is that you explain the value behind what you are trying to do. The old belief that photos capture memories and connections and people in ways that nothing else can, rings true here. You cannot replace people once they are gone, you cannot stop time or bring back a moment when it is lost. Having the ability to look back on a photo that makes you feel that moment over and over again, a photo that creates emotion, is absolutely priceless.

So often I find that your man is more than willing to participate because he cares for you and your kids. Because he values what you value and he wants to make you happy. But it does go a long way to making the process much more enjoyable if you take the time to discuss and address any reservations he may have BEFORE the day of the actual shoot. We often portray men as being strong and stoic and able to push through, but we want our men to be loving, playful and appear happy in our photos. It is when everyone can be relaxed and happy that the most magical, meaningful photos can be created.