Healthy Perfectionism
PERFECTIONISM is often seen as a burden. It can cause us to push ourselves far past healthy boundaries, spend far too long on something and be a major cause of the mum guilts. Now I know as Mum’s we want everything to be perfect. We want to shield and protect our kids from pain, hurt and stress. And I get that. I would happily hand my kids their perfect lives on a silver platter, if I could. And I would consider myself a “better” mother because of it. I desperately want to be the mother with a spotless house, unstained carpets, organic/homemade meals, limited screen time etc etc etc.
We read many, many well written and well researched articles based upon the idea that we cannot do/be it all. We cannot be healthy, sane, filling everyone’s bucket, organising everyone’s lives, excelling at our job and running the perfect household. But, honestly, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop striving to be better, do better and have/give it all. It just isn’t in my makeup/genes/personality. Or whatever you want to call it. Now this makes life HARD! So very HARD! (and there are many times I have wished to be different and many times it would have been healthier,)I don’t let up on myself ever. It is also probably not particularly healthy to set this example for my 4 children to follow. So, I am not here to tell you that you need to go easy on yourself or change your priorities, when I can't even do this myself. I believe there is great merit and probably extreme relief in doing so, but I just can’t at this point in my life. BUT I can offer a slightly different perspective.
As a photographer, I prefer to see perfectionism as the ability to "see" the minute details. So, I’m not a perfectionist, I'm a detail noticer. I’m a pretty good organiser and I make other people’s lives a little bit easier and smoother. And this can be a great blessing! In delving into photography, my passion lies in the details. I make a point of focusing on the tiny aspects of your personality or features and these are usually the photos I choose to edit and give to you. Because these are the things that matter. The small details matter. Now, we can get everyone smiling facing the camera,(usually,) but it doesn't give your family an authentic picture of who you really are. So being blessed with the ability to "see" things in much more detail is a gift that I am embracing when I take your photos. I am making every effort to capture the authentic, realness of your family on this day, at this time, so that when the kids have grown and left home, you will remember the emotion, the chaos and the "small" things, (which are often the "big" things,) that made up your family life.
So being a perfectionist can be an amazing gift! Those of you out there that share this trait with me, it is not something you necessarily need to change. In fact, it is a part of the personality that God specifically designed and gave to you. And it can and will be used for so many great things. It is awesome for
Being super organised. Especially mum’s with multiple kids, we rarely miss the finer details of which day requires a library book, a sport uniform, after school training etc .
We can co-ordinate and juggle, often down to the minute, where each person in our family needs to be.
We rarely forget things and we are always prepared. Think travelling and packing with kids, we have catered for any situation.
We produce amazing quality work! Whether this is in your work, leisure or sporting life, whatever your goal, you better be sure that us perfectionists do not stop until we get it just right.
We have determination and staying power. We do not give up easily.
We notice things that others do not see. We are often intuitive and aware and this brings a whole new level to our achievements.
You are gifting those around you, by making their lives a little easier, by taking some of the strain off them.
You are reliable and can be counted upon to do your share, contribute and not let the team down.
Fellow perfectionists, these CAN BE wonderful qualities to have. And whilst, yes, they can be draining or time consuming or drive our anxiety through the roof, we also have unique skill sets that can come in super handy as mum’s, wives and workers. So use them well, they were given to you on purpose and for a purpose. There is such a thing as healthy perfectionism.